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Lately, i have been watching lots of various health methods and neighborhood leaders discuss just how lesbians don’t need condoms at all inside their intercourse methods. And this also concept in all honesty perplexes me personally! Whenever we read it someplace, I pause and think

huh? Where performed these folks manage to get thier safer sex info from?

This can be a part of more substantial social problem for the reason that lesbian, queer and looking for bi women are usually left out in the conversation about sexual health and STIs. It really is as though men and women think

STIs

just come from penises and therefore lesbian, queer and bisexual women don’t previously

have

penises.

Information flash:
STIs can be passed on in a variety of ways
. Through epidermis to epidermis contact. From anal sex. From dental sex. From discussing sex toys. Virtually whatever intercourse you are having, it’s likely that STIs might end up being passed on, from person to person. It is additionally vital to understand that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies occasionally have actually penises. Or occasionally we use dildos during sex. As well as for both a dildo and a penis, condoms may be used as a barrier approach to reduce the probability of STIs getting passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is important to observe that it’s not the termination of worldwide should you decide sample good for an STI. Everything and your sexual life aren’t more than. When we have the ability to get access to this much safer gender info, next we are able to all grow and discover together—and do have more pleasant gender!

We’ve already spoken of
different barrier methods
that lesbian, queer and bisexual females are able to use whenever having sexual intercourse together. And indeed, condoms come in those possibilities. You can utilize condoms as a barrier whenever having a penis in snatch or whenever having
rectal intercourse
, if you are using a sex toy or dildo, and you will in addition reduce a condom along the middle (with scissors) if you want a dental care dam for analingus or oral intercourse. When we tell women that sleep together with other ladies they never

want

condoms to apply safer sex, our company is perpetuating this myth that our gender is actually intrinsically protected from any STIs getting provided.

Many of my personal lesbian, queer and bisexual buddies sometimes chuckle about how they don’t really practice safer sex. I hear queer ladies make jokes about dental care dams as well as how they never have as soon as utilized them. All of this makes me wonder just who in our society would really practice better gender? While the audience isn’t making use of shield practices, are we then having detailed conversations about the intimate health before we f*ck? Tend to be we consistently prioritizing obtaining examined between all of our partners? And not just a pap smear (
because that doesn’t protect everything
), but like obtaining the full work-up?

Really don’t state some of this as judgmental, at all. I been that girl to have a good laugh about dental dams. I’ve in addition had one night appears where I didn’t focus on myself or my lover’s intimate health. But i’d like you to complete better. I want all of us to be able to have genuine, nuanced talks about all of our intimate wellness. As it matters, girls. And that I would like to get past chuckling about dental care dams and shrugging off condoms as a choice.

Typically inside talk, I have asked

well, imagine if i do want to use a dental care dam but she doesn’t believe that’s gorgeous?

This fear is really so widespread that I feel like so many lesbian, queer and bisexual women are also nervous to ask their particular lovers to rehearse much safer gender. But let me tell you a queer lady secret, obtaining oral sex through a dental dam is actually beautiful and feels amazing. In reality, the person it certainly changes circumstances for may be the person offering the oral. It really is a bit different of an event, but the one that you will get used to! Its sexy when it comes down to individual getting because 1. you are both prioritizing both’s intimate wellness, which can be hot AF and 2. during my sincere opinion, it however seems pleasurable as f*ck.

In addition learn how difficult it can be to take within the conversation of STIs if your wanting to have sexual intercourse, specifically if you’ve never ever had gender with this particular individual before. Something i have discovered in my years of messily navigating intercourse and connections is that when I consult with somebody regarding method of intercourse we both want and about what sorts of barriers we would like to use—I have wayyyy better gender. Like I am not claiming this because I’m a sex nerd. I’m telling you my personal honest queer girl fact. Intercourse is better as soon as you discuss desire along with your systems very first.

Why don’t we break it straight down.

You and this prospective hookup have no idea each other’s figures but. Each and every person has unique needs and ticks and moves, that change them the f*ck on. Even though you can perform a guessing game while you’re sex to figure out just what ~feels very good~ because of this new individual, you could instead, speak about it beforehand. Is not it fun to be able to f*ck some body how they want to be f*cked? Then you definitely already fully know the go-to area for them, the place you wish establish to and ways to cause them to be putty within hand.

With regards to writing about what barriers and/or toys you wish to utilize if you are having sex—a lot of folks think its awesome not hot and requires most of the enjoyable from it. But envision if you are having sexual intercourse but the entire time you’re nervous because you truly desired to make use of a dental dam but did not learn how to tell the lady that and now you cannot have an orgasm since you’re very in your thoughts about perhaps not talking right up to your requirements? That’s no enjoyable proper, trust me. When you are getting that talk off the beaten track before starting making love, then you definitely already know to go for the condom if you use the strap-on or whether she is cool with liquid connection or not. These are vital elements of sex therefore must not dismiss all of them.

I’ve homework for every of you looking over this today. The next time you’re having a brand new hookup with some body, just be sure to integrate several of those talks just before smack the bedsheets and find out what the results are. I bet you you will have some mind-blowing consensual better sex!

Got any sex questions? Feel free to reach out: Corinne@gomag.com!